


An alchemic mess!

by Artemis_meets_Nefertiti



Series: One-offs, inspirations and weird story ideas! - Ikemen Sengoku related! [2]
Category: Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft, イケメン戦国 時をかける恋 | Ikemen Sengoku: Toki o Kakeru Koi (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alchemy, Awkwardness, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, Magic, Male Homosexuality, Other, Personality Swap, References to Lovecraft, Scene Gone Wrong, Sexual Humor, Spell Failure, The Necronomicon, spell casting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26103412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_meets_Nefertiti/pseuds/Artemis_meets_Nefertiti
Summary: Disclaimer: I do not own any of those characters. They are based on Otome game Ikemen Sengoku (as per Fandom). Any media (music/video) used are not mine, either! The only character I own is Marina Anemi.This is a story of fiction!Masamune decides to revive an ancient Alchemic recipy from Abdul Alhazred's Necronomicon, to get back at Mitsuhide, for slipping him sake on the last banquet. But fate has a different tale to narrate... What will happen with the potion? What in Kthulu's name is up in Azuchi castle?
Relationships: Beginning remationships, Ishida Mitsunari/Tokugawa Ieyasu, Takeda Shingen/Original Character(s)
Series: One-offs, inspirations and weird story ideas! - Ikemen Sengoku related! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917877
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	An alchemic mess!

**Author's Note:**

> This story took part in a competition in Ikemen Sengoku-related fan group. The theme was Personality trait-swap. The warlords were all open and all things were possible.

Masamune was humming in the huge almost-empty kitchen. Azuchi castle had opened its gates to host the yearly peace council this time. The Takeda-Uesugi alliance, the Oda army, the independent forces of Ikko-Ikki monks and the pirates had arrived several days ago. Despite this being a week on tension and intense preparation, he was happy. His secret trader from Damascus had arrived three months ago, after eons of waiting. And he had presented Masamune with a very unique gift. A gift costing a fortune.

A small wooden chest was saved from certain doom and a watery grave at the last minute. It was fished out of the sinking gutted belly of a Tunisian ship hit by the blue Aegean waters of the Mediterranean by passing fishermen. But this chest was not just a safe-keeping. It started creating problems to the people that took hold of it! They would often behave in ways unbecoming of them or like they imitated others! Experienced healers, researchers and magicians of the lands were summoned. The box was opened and its contents examined thoroughly. There was no doubt about it! The box contained a stone and several pages from Necronomicon, a book that was rumored to belong to crazy scientist Abdul Alhazred, also known as Book of the Dead or Kitab al-Azif. A dangerous book!

What Masamune ended up owning was a stone found inside the box, along with two pages explaining its use. The pages were torn from that alchemist’s spell book! If handled correctly, the broth prepared from the stone could allow two people to temporarily swap two of their personality traits with each other. The stone needed to be boiled in sacrificial blood over the full moon in an open fire and be allowed to absorb the moon’s beams for no less than 7 nights. Then, a broth was cooked by gathered spices, sea water and stone chips.

In Masamnune’s pages, it was clear that when two sets of lips drank from the cup with the potion, their most dominant traits would swap between the people taking a sip. A lot could go wrong, but Masamune had to try for science’s sake and for getting back at Mitsuhide that poured sake into his spicy soup at the last banquet. Masamune ended up confessing his love to Nobunaga’s mare that night and then sleeping in Shogetsu’s den! So, he followed each step with blinding devotion and completed his potion merely minutes ago!

Mitsunari was obliviously reading a book next to him, an unwilling victim to Masamune’s revenge! He thought how funny it would be if Mitsuhide’s tongue got caught up by shame and inexperience, while Mitsunari would roam about the castle being sarcastic and witty for a change! He left the big steaming pot next to Mitsunari, who paid no attention to his surroundings when reading, and went to fetch Mitsuhide. Mitsunari absentmindedly took a big sip and frowned. This was a very salty and spicy tea indeed!

“Oh dear me, dear me! This must be lord Ieyasu’s tea! I better go tell him it is getting cold!” he said, as he started walking towards Ieyasu’s infirmary. As he was walking out of the kitchen, Shingen walked in and immediately went for the weird-smelling steaming dark red liquid. He had just eaten a whole plate of sweet buns and was thirsty.

“This must be Yuki’s calming concoction, the one he promised to make me this fine morning. Mmm.” He sat down by the counter and took a huge sip. Then, he nearly spat the nasty-tasting liquid out, coughing and cussing. “What in all the maidens’ gorgeous spread legs is this vile poison? Yukiiii, naughty boy, are you trying to poison m-”

Shingen never finished his sentence. He felt momentarily dizzy and lost his surroundings to nothingness, hearing a faint buzz. The same thing happened to Mitsunari, as he was walking in Azuchi’s corridors. Both took a deep breath, shook it off and carried on with their intended schedule. The potion erased its existence from their memory as it took effect, choosing wisely.

Shingen started walking outside the kitchen holding the cup without meaning to, but passed it on to Kenshin, who was scowling by an open atrium to the garden, pissed off that no one wanted to play death match with him. Kenshin took it and sipped it almost automatically, thinking it was sake. His heterochromatic eyes shot wide open! He retched and set it at a table nearby, threatening to behead the maker of this bloody stench if he ever dared appear! Yoshimoto took hold of the caup, mostly admiring the strange engravings he thought he saw arise from the steam. Taking a small, elegant sip and setting it down as he wiped his gorgeous mouth with his silken handkerchief, he felt nauseous immediately! A sharp pain shot through his head as he stood up.

“Dear heavenly beauty and all colors of my palette, this tastes like death choked on a gardenia! Ah, I need to destroy it! Such evil liquids should not be allowed to-” He never finished, for the potion took effect, letting him walk zombie-like back in the kitchen to set the cup near the table’s edge and walk out and up the stairs to the veranda. Kenshin never realized he got dizzy, for even dizziness was afraid of the god of war.

Soon after, Sasuke came close to him, followed by Yukimura, guilt riding their minds, and offered an obstacle death match to their lord.

“But, Sasuke, Yukimura dear, what is the point of a death match? We all should endeavor for greatness before we end up being embraced by its glorious wings.” he said, his voice holding a dreamy quality and his hands reaching upwards, as if thanking the heavens for the creation of all.

“RUN, Sas- what?” Yukimura was left there speechless – not often the case – scratching the back of his head. “It is an evil ploy to get us to weaken our defenses! Do not trust him, Sasuke! Get ready to make a run for it! I will not meet my death in a garden in Azuchi!” he yelled.

Kenshin carried on talking like that, as if Yukimura never spoke. “For death is life’s backside mirror, filtered through glass and mercury. Death is not an end! Death is red’s kiss upon grey and black, a necessary nutrition for the basic sustenance of life! Death breeds life and life is exquisite! Thus, my friends, death is beautiful!” His eyes looked behind and through both men, to an image lost by your next-door ninja and his bff. Kenshin’s gaze upon the paradise he dreamt at that moment was so intense, that Sasuke actually looked behind him twice to make sure there was nothing concrete his lord was looking at.

“Are you sure you are okay, lord Kenshin? Don’t you want to kill me? Isn’t your sword thirsty for my blood? I – I will return to the future!” he said in a desperate attempt to make sense of new data. Kenshin nodded and smiled at him and started walking to the small pond by the flower beds. “L-lord Kenshin, did you hear me? I AM LEAVING YOU!” Still no reaction from Kenshin, who was admiring the details of flower pedals in the garden. “Are – are you sure you are okay?” asked Sasuke, readjusting his frames, wondering what drugs would be available for paranoid psychotic breaks in the Sengoku Era, and losing the fight with logic with every ticking second. Kenshin smiled a beatific smile, as a horde of white bunnies came trotting out of the garden. He would usually dismiss them, half-angered by their unwavering devotion and half-flattered and hiding it.

“Look. LOOK my friends! The unbelievable cuteness! The softness, as if caressing a cloud that descended upon me! Oh the whiteness! Look, Sasuke! They are white! Yukimura dear, they are small! THEY ARE SO FLUFFY!” he said with a growl, as he dived in a near-by flowerbed, followed by twenty or so ecstatic bunnies that took their slow time biting every inch of him lovingly. Kenshin stayed in the flower bed exchanging caresses with his bunnies, whispering sweet nothings to them. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes glowing. It is said that there is a rare recording of this in one of Ranmaru’s paintings of the time, but it is not confirmed. Ranmaru himself was too shocked to speak of that scene, seemingly innocent and yet alarming in his mind. What a weird day to take up painting outdoors…

“Did someone mention a beheading? A fight? A bloody match to the death, with only a god as a winner? Count me in, silly little frail-minded cowards that run before me, fearful for their well-being. Your lives do not belong to you! They belong to me! Offer them freely and I shall honor your deaths with my sword!” Yoshimoto’s voice was heard one floor above them, as he jumped from the first floor balcony, agile like a bird descending mid-flight, onto the blooming lemon tree and then the ground. His smile was one never witnessed upon his face. “Predator” it whispered.

People looked at the peaceful and calm man, now seemingly out of his mind. Yoshimoto, with a dance move that any award-winning ballet master would envy, took his sword out and pointed it upwards. Nobunaga and Motonari, having a tea in one of the adjacent rooms, came running out at the screams of people. Kennyo was following them.

“Come on, life-loving maggots… I miss the battle field… And when I miss something, I get cranky… Do you want me cranky? Worse yet, do you want me mad?” he yelled at the villagers and employees.

“He is clearly delusional, something is wrong with him!” Motonari commented first and the other two nodded in agreement. “It is like he is not himself! So pious, serene and sweet at all times, now he looks as if a demon is riding him!” Nobunaga added. “Maybe he needs an exorcism!” offered Kennyo. “You up for the task, monk?” Nobunaga asked and the other nodded slowly. “If you are brave and strong enough to hold him down, I only need my faith to drive the demon out of him! As Japan did with you, although I am not yet convinced…” Kennyo replied.

“Who shall be my first opponent? Fight, you fools! For Japan, healthy competition and bloodlust! Let me hear you choke on your own blood as panic overrides logic and your souls are harvested by my beauty. Come, hear her sing and I promise it will be the last thing you ever hear…” Yoshimoto screamed, as Nobunaga and Motonari dived in, disarmed him with great difficulty and tried pinning him down. Hideyoshi was walking by and, at the sight of the fight and the fear that Nobunaga might be hurt, he screamed something illegible and ran to them, helping!

Took all three of them and a handful of soldiers to finally manage to immobilize Yoshimoto enough to place him on the floor. He was writhing and fuming, demanding limps as a logical payback for this humiliation! Calling everyone disgracing names! Kennyo came close and placed a hand on his chest, starting to chant something along the lines of ‘the power of Christ compels you’ in an extended version of Buddha. It would have been very comic if it weren’t punctuated by very detailed scenes where Yoshimoto shouted precisely what he would do to their corpses once he would go free!

All the commotion never reached Marina, who was writing her case notes of a young woman in love that had visited her moments ago. Shingen, driven by an internal need, came to her door and slid it open. Her eyes left the parchment and she got mentally ready to buff the poetic honeyed phrases that were about to choke her to death slowly but sweetly. After several moments of silence, she frowned and stood up. Shingen was motionless by the open door, gazing at her longingly.

“Shingen, are you feeling alright? You seem… lost somehow.” She said as she moved closer to him. His eyes were fixated on her lips, his skin looked clammy and a bit sweaty and his cheeks were slightly blushed. She reached over and touched his forehead to take his temperature. Shingen’s eyes widened and his cheeks became flaming hot. He swallowed once and tried to speak. “W-wha-why are you touching me, lady Marina?” he said, his voice barely audible. He was shaking! The most successful womanizer BEFORE Don Juan was shy!

Marina took a step back. Surely this was a new plan to get her to agree to a date. He would play coy and innocent now, huh? Well, two can play the reverse role! “Why, because I love to touch you, Shingen my love…” she said, sarcasm clear in her voice as she smiled. “Don’t you…” she came closer with a nice shashay of her hips “want me…” she put her hands on his chest “to touch you, Shingen?”

A sound between a cough and a cry for help came from his lips as he stepped back and out of the room. “I th- think you are into m-me! AH! O-onto me! AH NO! I m-meant you are into my space lady M-Marina! Too much of you! I-I oh dear, I meant you are too close for comfort!” he said, panic evident on his face. Marina did not step back, though. “Oh, Shingen, you are breaking my heart… Now I have a chest pain, here…” she said, touching her breasts lightly, pouting and with a purr in her voice. “Wanna feel my pain, Shingen? Wanna get ‘up close’ to my problems” she said wiggling her eyebrows to indicate it was still humor.

Shingen lost the non-verbal communication. He turned different shades of red alternating to white – close to passing out – as his eyes now fixated on a new target of lust – BOOBIES! “B-b-but your boobies, I MEAN BREAST, your breast! They are lovely! It – ah – it NO! They are yours! Sadly! I MEANT Apparently! What I was trying to say was that I cannot just grab your boobies and play! OH LORD OF MISSPOKEN LATIN PHRASES THAT END UP SUMMOMING DEMONS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?” he said panicked, as Marina was doubled over by laughter, thinking this was all a joke! But, despite everything, this unpolished shy Shingen clicked with her and decided to take up his offer next time...

Meanwhile, Masamune entered the kitchen with Mitsuhide, trying to hide his smile. Finding the cup in a different place from where he left it, almost empty and Mitsunari gone, he got suspicious of what may have happened. He ran out of the kitchen fast, to try and see the extend of the damage, and probably board a ship to Spain to evade Nobunaga’s wrath. Mitsuhide, curious about the new potion that was supposed to give him his sense of taste back, drank it all and then left the cup on the counter, walking back to his manor without hoping for any results. He had a meeting with Kyubei and Hideyoshi in a while and he needed to go over his notes. It was bound to be a heated debate!

As he was walking away, a strong gush of wind blew through the window and threw the cup to the floor. Shogetsu stepped into the kitchen some time later, sniffing about. He found the cup that was smelling of daddy, among other males of his species, and licked it clean. "Ew pffff" he thought, grabbing a tastier piece of cheese lying on the floor, to take the nastiness out of his mouth. As he was happily trotting out to the garden, he fell on the floor disoriented. When he opened his eyes, it took him a while to snap back in and start chasing the chickens about. Maids took an oath that day that Shogetsu was heard to snicker and even prank the animals almost all day!

Several meters down the corridors of Azuchi castle, Mitsunari entered Ieyasu’s infirmary. The sour porcupine was preparing ingredients of salves with the help of Kojuro. Mitsunari stepped close, ignoring the constant eye-roll of the other man. There was a weird smile on his face.

“WHAT?” snapped Ieyasu after a while.

“Since when is it a problem if I happen to enter your domain to lay my eyes upon your beauty, my prince? Is it not the privilege of a man in love to gaze his object of desire as much as he wishes?” Mitsunari said, biting his lower lip. Ieyasu stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly towards the phantom and swallowed. “Ex-excuse me?” - jaws soundtrack could easily have been playing in the background. 

“I could excuse almost anything from you, my lovely, as long as you give me your lips… What is a mere kiss in the sad lives we live in? A kiss is but a scent of immortality, laid bare upon your lips… And I am here to collect this fine morning!” Mitsunari carried on, as he took a red rose from a vase and placed it between his teeth. His eyes held oceans of heat and Ieyasu felt both blushing and a bit aroused. There was clearly something wrong with this picture! But as hard as he tried, Ieyasu could not move – maybe in fear of breaking the spell.

“Do come closer, my god, for I want to worship you like a true believer…” Mitsunari said, as he gave Ieyasu the rose. Ieyasu was so dazzled that he pricked his finger to one of the thorns, hissing at the wound. Mitsunari stepped close and took his finger to his mouth, sensually licking the wound to close. Kojuro made a run for it, desperate to find his lord.

“This could have been another part of your lovely anatomy between my lips, but your unwillingness to give in spoils it for us…” Mitsunari said, so close to Ieyasu’s lips, that he felt the other man’s desperate sigh. Ieyasu swallowed again, feeling his mind slipping away. That was the last thing he felt before their lips hungrily found each other.

They stayed together even when Kyubei and Hideyoshi ran about the eastern gardens yelling for help, chased by a vey upset Mitsuhide that growled loudly every time he opened his mouth and had very long and sharp canines.


End file.
